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Part One On the Road to Being a People Magnet
01 Friends, Lovers, and Knights 3
Platonic Friendships 4
And, of Course, Love 4
Men’s Friendships 5
Women’s Friendships 6
Networking Friends 7
02 What’s Ahead in How to Be a People Magnet 10
How We’re Going to Find the Answer 10
The Fatal FUD Factor (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt) 12
03 Why this Book Is Guaranteed to Work! 13
This Is Not a Book—It’s a Contract 13
Sociological Studies Support the Contract 14
Listen to the Testimonials 15
Part Two Making Strangers Like You, Instantly!
04 Hi! How Do You Like Me So Far? 19
But Is Being Popular Really Being Liked? 20
What’s Your Optimism Quotient (OQ)? 20
vii
Contents
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McGraw-Hill's Terms of Use
05 How to Spread Sunshine . . . Wherever You Go 23
Clause #1: In Your Shoes
06 Making Everyone Feel Special 26
Clause #2: Eye Messages
07 Win Their Hearts, in Ten Words or Less 29
Clause #3: The Expanded Thank-You
08 The Magic Wand, Your Body 31
Clause #4: The Trifling Touch
09 Like Hallmark Cards, a Smile for Every Occasion 34
Clause #5: Slow, Spillover Smile
10 Why Do We Prefer One Person Over Another? 36
Deborah Gets the Last Laugh (and Leil Eats Her Hat) 38
Clause #6: Listen to Their Heart
11 Fine Tuning Your Tongue 41
Clause #7: Dis-Guys My Dialogue
Clause #8: De-Gurrl My Dialogue
12 Never Hear “You’re Not Listening!” Again 45
Clause #9: Listen Like a Nail
Clause #10: Listen Like a Dunking Duck
13 Fragging the Fatal FUD Factor 49
But What About Me? I’m No Olympic Athlete 50
How You Can Go for the Gold 52
Clause #11: Ditch the Bitchers, Talk to the Trashers
14 Beauty Is as Beauty Feels 55
Thunder Thighs Wins Olympic Gold Medal for Love 59
Clause #12: I Am Beautiful
Clause #13: I’m a Good Mover
viii Contents
15 How to Work a Room Like Royalty 62
Clause #14: The Emperor’s New Clothes
16 Nice Shake! 66
Clause #15: My Five-Star Handshake
17 The Hugganary 72
Clause #16: The Honest Hug
18 The Secret of Confident Conversing 76
What Separates Social Winners from Social Losers? 76
Clause #17: React Faster, Answer Vaster
19 Shyness Stinks! Not Only That,
It Can Trash Your Life 80
Wait, There Are More Bummers 81
So, If Schmooze-Aphobia Is a Disease,
What’s the Cure? 82
Clause #18: Always Talk to Strangers
20 Does This Confidence Make Cents? 85
Clause #19: What Can I Learn from This?
21 Ah, Mystery of Life:
And How Optimism Saved One! 88
22 Pass the Pollyanna Please 90
Clause #20: Give the Gift of “You Can Do”
Part Three Friends and Lovers: How to Find Them, How to Keep Them
23 Why Have Friends?
Or Pollyanna Plummets into Pandora’s Box 95
Suddenly Last Summer 96
Pollyanna Plummets into Pandora’s Box 97
The Bottom of the Pit 98
Contents ix
So What’s This Got to Do with How to Be a
People Magnet? 100
Pandora’s Box Suddenly Snaps Shut 100
24 Friendship’s First Commandment: Thou Must
Have Something to Give in Order to Receive 103
You Don’t Make Friends, You Earn Them 105
And Yes, You Earn Lovers Too 106
Clause #21: Growing My Gifts
25 Ways to Say “I Love You” to a Friend 108
26 Plan Private Pleasures for Precious People 109
Clause #22: Plan a Sweet Surprise
27 I Love Ya Man, and All That Jazz 112
Clause #23: I Love Ya Man
28 Actions Speak Louder than Words:
Just Ask Any Guy 115
Clause #24: Do My Buddy’s Bag
29 The Power of Gifts: Or a Great Way to
Get Rid of Junk You Don’t Want! 119
Clause #25: Tchotchkes for Chums
30 Standing Up for Your Friends 122
The Green-Eyed Monster in My Closet 122
Clause #26: My Personal Principles Clause
31 Planting Seeds for New Friendships 126
Prissy’s Present 127
You Can Never Go Back
(and Would You Really Want To?) 128
You Made My Day! 128
Now, About Your Promotion 129
Clause #27: Thanks, You Made My Day
x Contents
32 Do You Want to Be Popular, or
Do You Want to Be Liked? 131
Clause #28: Befriend a Nerd
33 What If I Only Feel Those Butterflies
When I’m Talking to Him or Her? 134
Great, So I Know Why. Now How Can
I Get Rid of Those Butterflies? 136
Clause #29: I’ll Talk to the Tens
34 Have You Ever Had a Friend . . . :
Who Changed Your Way of
Looking at Life Forever? 138
Clause #30: My Physically Challenged Pal
35 If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It! 144
Clause #31: Dare to Be Different
36 Diversity, It’s Not Just for the Workplace 148
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? 149
Clause #32: Multicolored Chums
Part Four Cupid’s Secrets: Sexy Schemes for Luring Lovers and Keeping Them
37 Cupid’s Got Lots of Secrets! 155
Cupid, Please Tell Me, Why Him? Why Her? 156
When Two of Cupid’s Arrows Cross 156
Some Cupids Who Crashed and Burned 157
38 Finally Science Captures Cupid 159
Cupid Does Drugs 159
Why Do So Many Women Go for the Bad Boys? 160
Cupid Grows Up 161
So How Long Can I Enjoy this
Legal High Before I Come Down? 162
Contents xi
39 A Better, Deeper Kind of Love Sets in, Really! 163
What if You Still Want the “Can’t Wait to
Jump Your Bones” Kinda Love? 163
How Cindy Keeps the Sex Cinders Hot 164
40 What About Turning a Friend into a Lover? 167
41 Cupid’s Last Words 169
Can You Have the Peaceful Forever Kind of
Love Right off the Bat? 170
What’s Cupid’s Secret? What Really
Keeps Couples Together? 172
Clause #33: I Won’t Toss the Person with the PEA
42 Mirror, Mirror, Find Me a Mate 173
Clause #34: Look for a Look-Alike
43 Get Off My Duff 176
Clause #35: Weekly Off-My-Duff Promise
44 If You Want to Date, You Must Initiate 180
The Dance of Love 181
Inviting Someone to the Dance of Intimacy 182
Clause #36: If I Want to Date, I Must Initiate
45 Don’t Think Lines, Think Lyrics 185
Clause #37: Think Lyrical, Not Lyrics
46 Men “Pick Her Up,” Gentlemen
“Make Her Acquaintance” 188
Clause #38: My Three-Step Strategy Clause
47 The Failure Fallback Plan 192
Clause #39: Foxy Face-Saver
48 Creative Courting 194
Clause #40: Hunt Down Hot Buttons
xii Contents
49 Shhh, He’s Ticked Off! 198
Clause #41: Let Him Sulk in Silence
Clause #42: No More Troubled Clam
50 Give Me a Strong Shoulder and a Big Ear 202
Clause #43: What’s Wrong, Lambchop?
51 Go Figure! 203
You Be the Judge 205
Clause #44: Let Him Lecture
52 How Would You Handle This, Dear? 209
It’s Not Just for Schmoozing Her 210
Clause #45: Seek Her Social Assistance
53 I Just Want You to Be Happy! 212
Clause #46: “You Make Me Sooo Happy”
Clause #47: She’s “The Ball Game,” Not “The Ball Game”
54 Hyperbole as Aphrodisiac 216
Clause #48: My Lyrical Love
55 Understanding My Clam 219
Clams à la Greque 222
Clause #49: My Silent Partner
Clause #50: The Minute an Hour Treatment
Part Five Networking: Recruiting Knights for My Personal Round Table
56 The World’s Best Contact Sport:
Once You Learn How to Play It 229
57 “Networking?” Did I Hear You Say “Networking”? 231
Clause #51: Sharing My Gifts
58 Plan Ahead! 234
Contents xiii
59 The Guide to Sharing Your Gifts 236
Networking, It’s Kid’s Stuff, Too 237
Clause #52: Knight Time-Sharing
60 Do You Carry Enough Friend Insurance? 240
Clause #53: Knight Recruiting Clause
61 One Man’s Knight Is Another Man’s Nobody 243
62 My Friend Insurance Policy:
Or the Knights at My Round Table 245
63 “Who Ya Gonna Call?” 249
64 Making Deposits in the Good Neighbor Account 251
Clause #54: Good Neighbor Clause
65 Give Yourself a Priceless Gift 253
Clause #55: Find an Old Friend or Old Love